#30: Move from Conformity to Creativity

“Every human being must have a point at which he stands against the culture, where he says, this is me and the damned world can go to hell.” - Rollo May

I think he’s right, perhaps not for everyone, but for many people.

May was an American psychologist and argued that human development proceeds through stages during which a person must deal with a specific crisis or challenge. These stages include:

• Innocence: an infant has few drives other than the will to live
• Rebellion: developing child seeks freedom but can't care for self
• Decision: a transitional stage during which a teenager or young adult makes decisions about his or her life, while seeking further independence from her parents
• Ordinary: the stage of adulthood. Overwhelmed by its demands, young adults tend to seek protection in conformity and tradition
• Creative: this marks a point of productive, creative self-actualization during which a person moves past egotism and self-involvement

And although the stages are related to child and adult development, any person at any age can enter these stages. Some people skip stages or repeatedly return to a particular stage. And that’s what I want you to key in on.

You can enter or leave stages at any time.

On my podcast and newsletters, I’ve stressed one can “Try Life On” at any time. In the context of the stages, too many of us enter the “Ordinary” stage and accept all the status quo glory it has to offer. We are consumed by conformity (i.e. corporate ladder, chasing titles, worrying about opinions of others) accentuated by fear of pushing into the creative unknown.

In his 1953 book “Man’s Search for Himself”, Rollo appropriately articulates:

“Many people feel they are powerless to do anything effective with their lives. It takes courage to break out of the settled mold, but most find conformity more comfortable. This is why the opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it's conformity.”

So then how do we do it? How do we learn to jump and grow wings on the way down?

One lifestyle design approach (which is my favorite) is to think “And” not “Or”.

Take all the risks. Do all the roles. Learn all the things. Serve all the people. Journey all the roads. Experience all the feelings.

To me that’s called life.

Intentionally choosing the word “and” as a calling card unlocks your mind and ability to get creative.

It's a form of freedom to reach one mountaintop, go back down and climb another. Constant learning keeps us growing. It forces us to move into the “Creative” stage as Rollo coins it, which in turn leads to more life via meaningful relationships and fulfilling experiences.

Some personal “And” results:

• losing an audition to be on HBO’s Wire
• being a Federal agent in Turkey and Africa
• travel and immersing in 100 countries 300x
• two good tryouts but not making it to the NFL
• failing at opening coffee shops and restaurants
• winning by navigating a consulting career for 25 years
• failing, almost quit, in 2008 financial crisis in real estate
•  success. More passive income than work salary by 2014
• success, no quit, own 26 apartment complexes in 2 years
• courage at 33 to follow passion, hometown police officer
• energy to be a police officer & exec same time for 15 years
• fail again as a club/restaurant investor - two projects flop
• build Mediterranean island property for a lifestyle change
• executing Middle East philanthropy projects. Getting better
• produce media projects with mentors. I'm New. I'll take risk

There is so much life to be had if we just Try Life On. Just do.

I won because I lost MANY times.

I won because the person I've become, not what I did.

 Those calculated risks to experience life, not worrying about opinions of others along the way, opened my life up to an enormous amount of creative energy and results, which I really didn’t know I was capable of. I just did them anyway, for 20+ years.

I never liked to idea of doing just one thing my whole life.

And I think it is the same for many of you as well.

But you must get creative. You must jump. You must recognize that you are stuck in the “Ordinary” stage and it’s on you to get out of there.

That’s what Trying Life On is all about. It’s a skillset and mindset. I don't believe you have to be "one thing" or "you can't do everything".

And if you try to tell me it’s not possible, garbage. That’s your mind taking you right back to relative safety rather than leaning into life.

You have just one. Do all the things you’re intended.

Create time. Protect time. Manage time, for you (see newsletter 19).

Find a way. Status quo and regret suck.

The first step to Trying Life On is stop listening to people who never have. Stop chasing other people's version of success. Get out of the ordinary stage (if you want) and make the shift.

 Go and do that thing, unapologetically.

I'm rooting for you.

 As Rollo May would likely tell you, you have this one life. Use it wisely.

Maurice